Friday, February 13, 2009

Sisters, I need your advice/input

There is a little boy on the bus Kaylie has befriended. She is in second grade, he is in kindergarten. His name is Patrick. She sits by him on the bus and apparently they get along swell. When she first came home and told me "there is a boy on the bus and his name is Patrick and he likes me" I wasn't sure what to think - sounded basically harmless and innocent. Then when I found out he was 2 years younger (which at this age is 2 big years) I really didn't know what to think. She is so sweet and caring and has such an open heart - I don't her to mislead this young boy. As many of you know, Kaylie has her own issues which we have dealt with for years and so we have to tread delicately in some areas and she does not always get along socially with her peers - so it does not surprise me, given this and her sweet spirit that she has made this friend.

You are thinking, they are just friends on the bus, what is the problem here? Well, a couple months ago, he gave her a tiara that he told her he made. Cute - maybe he has a crush, but let's move on. BUT, today the school secretary called me to tell me that he gave her a little purse for Valentine's Day. So now that the school is concerned enough to call me, I am really stressing over this. The school says, we can tell Patrick's parents that Kaylie's parents said no thank you or something along that line. But I don't want to hurt this little boy or offend his family - his grandmother told the secretary it was just because he appreciates her being his friend. And I don't want to try to change Kaylie from the loving person God made her to be. I felt like since the school was calling I was supposed to have some kind of response, but I just didn't know what to do.

This is probably a good learning opportunity for all of us - she needs to know how to be her loving self with out opening herself up to something unhealthy (not so likely now - but she could set herself up later) and I need to learn to not be such a wimpy avoider of anything resembling conflict. (I also tend to worry way to much about what other people think) But I am not sure how to handle this situation - if in fact it is a "situation" at all.

I am thinking we should somehow communicate no more gifts - I don't really want to contact his family, as that seems to be making a mountain out of a mole hill, but am concerned if I tell Kaylie she needs to tell him no more gifts, it might come out wrong and when replayed for his family, will lead to the insult I want to avoid.

I don't really know what to do about this and some of you out there are Super Moms and much better at this than me and I am wondering what your advice is.


Jenibug7 said...

My advice: get to know the family. Ask them all over for dinner or meet at McD's. Tell them that you really appreciate the friendship the 2 of them them have and that you would like to get to know them better. And then maybe crack the door open to Kaylee's history. Tell them how you anticipate boundries and appropriateness in social situations being something you will have to be really careful with as she grows. I think just spending some time with them will give you a really good idea of what is really going on. If nothing else, you have the opportunity to build a new relationship and for one more family to see Christ in your family through meeting you.
Having a kindergarten boy who is super tender-hearted, if he had a friend who he sat with on the bus- boy or girl- and he saw something they would really like, he would likely ask me to buy it for them too. If it were a great deal, I might. For example, his BF is REALLY into Star Wars. If we came upon some stickers on sale and Elias wanted to give them to him, I probably would let him do that. Boy or girl. I just don't think it means much at this age. But I do think you are right to have caution and set boundries now.
You are a great mom and noone could have the insight and love for Kaylee that you do. Keep it up! :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Trisha,
I would agree with Jenn. I think there are too many unknowns in the situation to become panicy. Why did the school call? Is it a policy that they had to call? Who called? Kaylee's teacher, the bus driver or the principal? Is Kaylee his only friend? He may be having a hard time making friends and his parents are thrilled he made a friend. He wanted to give her a purse and his parents are trying to help him be friends and learn how to be friends. Can you talk to the bus driver to see if there is anything going on on the bus? Certainly you can get to know the family. I think that is a great idea to get to know your child's friend's family.